With all the talk I've heard of video games throughout this semester, I thought that I should say a bit about what comes to my mind on the subject. I have heard people vehemently defend some strong philosophical stance on video games. I have heard grown men squeal like little girls when just thinking about their next video game purchase. I have even heard the talk of how economically influential they are and how important they will become. After hearing and taking all of this in, I could really care less. Hard as I might try, I just don't really care.

Video games are pretty much just mindless entertainment and a way to pass the time when you can't think of much else to do. Now when I say that, I don't really mean it in a bad way. They do very well in fulfilling that purpose. I know that I spent a good number of lazy afternoons as a child with my brother, me, and good old Mario. However, when video games are taken as more than that, I find myself scratching my head in confusion.

Video games can pretty much be split up into a few categories: fighting/killing, racing, and sports. That is about it, and during all of these kinds, you are mindlessly pushing buttons attempting to get to some meaningless goal, and at the end of this, you have spent hours of your life having accomplished nothing whatsoever. Doing this once in a while to unwind I understand, but hour after hour, day after day?

And while I have mentioned sports games, watching sports on TV is not any better. Watching two groups of individuals going back and forth back and forth for a few hours is such an odd idea. How people willingly subject themselves to such torture as that is beyond me.

Whew! Confession really does feel good.

I thought that I would write a bit on the idea of video art that was presented in class. I suppose these video art examples are difficult to wrap my head around. There is no real story to speak of, which I expect from this medium. They work hard to keep things in the abstract, to disorient the audience, and to attempt to evoke a reaction based on slightly disturbing images and sound that are difficult to comprehend the meaning of.

THey could be quite interesting though. For example, the Bill Viola piece called Ascension. I realized pretty quickly that it was video of a person falling into water, but running backwards. Throughout most of the piece, I found myself trying to visualize the movement of hte bubbles if the video had been running the normal direction, which I had a hard time accomplishing. That was pretty much where my mind was at throughout almost the whole piece, the movement of the bubbles. It wasn't until the very end when I felt like the man was about to fly, which was an interesting feeling. However, I simply found myself wondering, why he had jumped in the water and what he had been doing. My mind wanted to know his story, or make up a story for him. Somehow, I'm not sure if my reaction was really the one the artist was going for. At least I could have ended up with a pretty interesting story though if I had wanted to.

Video art such as this certainly has its place, and I like knowing that artists are attempting to experiment and try new and interesting methods. However, I don't really think that I am cut out for this particular kind of art. Knowing more about what is out there, though, is a good thing, and being a little confused, well that can be a good thing too.

The "I'm Happy" music video by the Gorillaz, which was much discussed in class during the music video day, was visually very intriguing. I had never heard of this group before that class period and most of the lyrics, besides some of the chorus of course, I could not make out really, but the sound of it working together with the visuals was almost hypnotic. The all black eyes of the lead singer character certainly caught my attention and was a bit disturbing. However, before any outside input was given to me by others, I felt myself feeling captivated by the reality of it. It may have had some kind of painful depressive quality to it, but it reflected something real emotionally. With all the fakeness surrounding us in the current culture, feeling connected to something real, even if it is dark and full of problems, is important. It is still hard for me to spell out where my mind is going in this matter, but I know it is going beyond this one particular example.

The viking music video from War Photographer was good for a few minutes of entertainment, but that was about it. It was a little humorous with the visual style and the odd plot that was played out and the music was catchy, but I could not really find myself caring about it. I guess it is one of those things that are interesting and fun for the moment it plays, but then after that it is gone from my mind completely. Perhaps that was its purpose in the first place and if so, then it fulfilled what it was meant for just fine.

I thought I would write a bit about the whole idea of music videos, since that was what the last discussion/class was about. In all honesty, I guess I just had not given much thought to music videos. I knew that there have been some music videos where I like the song and the video and together they had been quite powerful to me. Those were an especially good way to quickly alter my mood in a positive way when I needed it.

However, the idea of thinking of them as a creative work or as something I might one day be involved in working on never crossed my mind. Perhaps it is because most of them I've seen have not had any effect on me or perhaps because most of the time I feel like their purpose is solely commercial and not at all for pure artistic value. Perhaps it is also because I feel like music is around in visual storytelling to serve the story and not the main focus with the visuals serving the music.

The X-ray Vision music video was quite intriguing to me. For a flash animation that was relatively simple, it had a very nice effect. The isolation of the character was very well portrayed. And the expression on the character's face and the look of the room while the tv was playing was quite powerful.

The music video with the Down Syndrome angels was very intriguing as well. I could not help but think that there was something very wise about it. For me, it helped me to look at them and just see people, human beings, and not see a disease. Sometimes that doesn't always happen through normal interactions. There is just something about lifting up those whom our world and society puts on the lowest level that makes a lot of sense.

I thought I would write a bit about Prof. Ballinger's lecture in the library the other day. First I will say that when I normally hear a lecture in a format like that, it usually takes some effort for me to keep my attention focussed on what is being said the whole way through. This time however, I found it very relaxed, real, intriguing, and entertaining as well. Even in a formal format such as that, who he is came through without question or hesitation. I think that is impressive and admirable.

The topic on which he was speaking felt very relevant to my own situation and where I'm at as well. When he was talking about how he felt intimidated by artists who create in styles very different to him or by those who have more skill in some area, I was able to identitfy with that, because I feel a little out of place at times. For instance, as opposed to those who seem to have doodled and draw all growing up, I never really drew between when I was a young child and when I took Drawing 1 in college. Instead, I was always writing stories. I suppose I'm still working out what my particular niche will be.

The paticular topic of coming back to your childhood for your artwork stuck out to me as well. During this semester, I have started up a story again that I had let sit for a number of years and had thought I would never finish. Going back to this older story reminded me of some of my older stories and how powerful my imagination was as a child. The older I grew, the more realistic my tales began to grow. Now, with my life this semester revolving around stories, art, and creativity, my imagination has been getting a workout and I have a growing desire to rediscover the creative power from my childhood and combine that with my more mature mind and skills. What form this process may take in the future, I have no idea, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

When considering the idea of children’s media, I think it is difficult for me to get into the mindset to enter into it. I really don’t have much contact with children in my day to day life when I think about, and my idea of childhood stems basically from my own recollections of my past while I was a child. When working with a story in the past, I would usually write a story that reflected in some way where I was at in my life and the way my mind thought about the world around me. Since I’ve written regularly over the years, I have the stories I wrote as a younger child collected. I go back and read them from time to time and the images that were in my mind as I wrote them years and years ago enter right back into my mind after all that time. As I grew up, my stories matured as did my writing style as my mind developed. Now that I have gone through this maturing process, I think I have come to the point where I am happy with my style and ability to convey a story, but the fantasy and innocence of the stories of my childhood as faded somewhere along the way. I feel like now I’m at the point where I’m trying to reconnect with the creativity of my childhood and incorporate that into my more mature writing style now. As people begin to enter the “real world” and grow up, most lose a lot of the former glory of their imaginations as they invest themselves in day to day living in the mundane activities. Now that I’ve been going through this crossroad where the path of my future is determined by the choices I am making right now, I feel determined to retain the sense of mystery, joy, and creativity that was so strong as a child. In the end, hopefully that will remain a part of me in my adulthood as it was in my childhood.

This time around, I want to talk about my experiences about the idea of relating computer science and programming to computer art and animation. When I was first starting out college my freshman year, which was at another school, I was a computer science major. I had planned on doing that all throughout highschool pretty much and had worked a little with programming. My first semester of college, I signed up for Programming 1 and started trying to learn Java in that class. About two weeks into it I found myself completely lost, beginning to fail and fall farther and farther behind, and I was miserable with the class, finding no joy in learning those skills. Needless to say, I dropped the class and seriously reconsidered my career plans. I ended up getting into graphics under the art program and eventually ended up here learning animation.

As I was getting permission from my professor to drop Programming, she talked to me about double majoring in computer science and graphics. She was explaining to me how people who have both sets of skills are very marketable. My reaction to this was that I wished I did not have a growing hate for programming. Being very marketable would have been nice, but my brain simply did not function in the way needed to be a successful programmer and my heart was not in it at all.

With that experience in the past now, I have great respect for the programmers of the world. In my opinion, if they go through the trouble of learning how to program and are willing to do it full time, they deserve to be very marketable. In the end, it turns out that I am a storyteller at heart with a proficiency for technology, for there is no room for emotion or fantasy in the world of logic and algorithms.

The relatedness of digital art/animation and computer science, though, is very clear to me. For the field would not exist without the tools that have been programmed. Oddly enough, I have found myself having a slight return to some computer science in the form of designing a web site from code and maintaining it effectively. It turns out if I have a specific creative purpose in mind for some aspect of computer science, then my interest in that aspect soars. Without the creative vision however, I must admit that I'd just assume leave the programming to those more interested and with logical minds. Perhaps I just can't get my head out of the clouds for very long.

There are those who might consider the film Ryan to be depressing. Personally, I would use words more like intriguing and fascinating. Very evidently portrayed are the concepts of emotional and mental anguish and self-destruction. This is done both on the level of the events occurring as well as in a visually powerful way through the deformation of the characters themselves on screen. The contrast between his former whole self and his current deformed self was astounding. To be able to look at an individual whom most would simply pass by or look down on due to a ruined state and instead see what that person once was, to give respect to that person, to tell their tragic story...one could only be so blessed to see people with such eyes. The final shot of Ryan panhandling with the reflection of his former self gave him such respect, which left me feeling very impressed.

It seems that diving deeply into a character and exploring their pain and self-destruction through writing or visual arts is very powerful and meaningful to me. I have gone through my share of brokenness and have come to realize that there is a point when complete brokenness can turn into either a personal spiritual awakening or the beginnings of a downward spiral of self-destruction. Either way, when our identity is ripped away and our failures surround us, something major is going to happen. Exploring this process and the results of it are so powerful to me Only after spending some time in the deepest pit with a character do I fully appreciate their coming into the light, and only after spending time in pained isolation do I fully recognize the complete tragedy of a person becoming deformed never to be restored. I will keep room for both of these outcomes in my stories, and I will strive to give respect to those where little is given. Perhaps when we find ourselves in a pit, in darkness, we should not be so quick to simply scramble out, but instead feel what we feel, let it change us, and take the time to realize why we are there.

On another note, it is refreshing for me to finally see CG used in a way that has no resemblence whatsover to cutsy cartoony little characters. This film dove deeply into a character without censor or apology and used the CG tools to portray the character's situation and pain in a powerful visual way with a unique and creative style. If it is possible for one artist to achieve this, then perhaps there is hope for me yet.

In the film "The man who planted trees" I was quite captivated by the feel of it. The feel of the unchanging life of the man caught my attention. It was as if the world could not really touch him. A war came and went, people came and went, and he simply remained living his life as always. There was also a sense of purpose to him that was not overbearing to those around him or obnoxious in any way. It was simply something that he was driven to do and did it without any desire for attention or recognition. What also caught my attention was his silence. The fact that he saw such little use for words, which is completely opposite to the society I find myself surrounded in, is a very attractive image to me. It involves values that are so contrary to what I always encounter: not always feeling the need to beat your point into someone else's disagreeing mind, not feeling the need to desperately explain to other's how you want them to think of you, allowing others to form true or faulty opinions of you and being completely apathetic about it, seeing no problem with solitude, focusing ones energy on one project in a leisurely manner. More and more I see clearly the mold of the culture I live in and realize that I have a hard time fitting into it, and that I really have no desire to fit into it.

The style of drawing in the film worked well for the tone of the piece. If it had been more of a Disney style, or cartoony style, it simply would not have had the same effect. Its slightly rough, realistic, flowing feel worked well for me. I can only imagine how much time and energy must have gone into that film. In some ways, the film itself shows some characteristics of the life that the man in the film lived. It had to be slowgoing, focused on a single goal, extremely patient, and the end result was a thing of beauty that could be appreciated by others. I hope that I will have the opportunity and the ability to create such a thing.

The first time I saw the film, sand castle, which was last semester, I was not really aware of who Co Hoedeman was. Of the Co Hodeman films I saw that semester, sand castle was the most intriguing to me. It felt all-encompassing to me, spanning creation, the entire existence of a civilization, as well as the return to wilderness after the life has gone out of the place. It shows the establishment of everyday life, which is the life we surround ourselves with. Also, it shows the fleeting nature of things and how change comes, and all this for a children's film.

The Owl Who Married a Goose was also interesting to me. I liked the look of the sand animation with one scene fading into the next in such a mysterious way. It feels as if you are viewing a world from a limited view, being able to focus only on what the storyteller wishes. Also, with the feeling of longing and tragedy were captivating.

Charles and Francois made me quite confused right after I watched it. The fact that the two characters started generations apart and ended up as two old men felt very disorienting, as it flies in the face of normal rules of the passage of time and changes that come with time. However, perhaps this was part of the effect that was wished by this choice. Once again, similar to the sand castle film, it encompassed a lot of time and changes. It felt as if I was floating along as time was speeding through, after taking its time in the beginning scene with the child and grandfather. Instead of focusing on one particular point in life, it speeds along and shows the ups, downs, and turns that life takes in a compelling way.

The film Tchou-tchou had an interesting concept with the idea of a world of blocks that children play with. I remember playing with such blocks as a child quite often. This film is a good example of how a filmmaker can define certain rules for the world that his film takes place in and invite the audience to enter into that colorful world. Finding a way to wrap the idea of the playing of children not just into the actions of the characters on the screen, but in the very structure of the characters themselves is quite a feat.

In the reading by C. S. Lewis called "It all began with a picture..." I found there to be some real truth from my own personal experience with creating stories. He was explaining that when he was coming up with the ideas for his Narnia books, he had a picture in his mind, not really knowing what it meant. He worked with those pictures and developed a story out of it. He says that making up things is a mysterious process.

For some reason, when I first read this it really connected with me. You can look at all sorts of technique, analyze plot structures, and intellectually consider what makes a successful character. In the end though, from my experience, ending up with a story that really excites me or connects with me is a bit of a mystery. It is as if I am in some other place while I am creating it and then afterwards I look back at it and wonder where it came from. I can remember times when I was working on developing a story and an image would come into my mind that would blow me away. At that point, I did not know all the details of how that image would exactly work into the future parts of my story, but as odd as it sounds, I was looking forward to finding out. It was as if I was looking forward to reading it after I wrote it. If there was no mystery to the process of creating a story, then I certainly would not have the feeling that the story I was developing was somehow coming from a place that was beyond me.

When I think of the film Brazil shown last Friday, it seems to me that sometimes I wish I could break out of the reality of my own particular era and enter into a different and bizarre world as entirely as this movie allows through telling stories. Becoming immersed in a world and environment standing in such contrast to my own day to day life, and yet seeing in that place amazing parallels to aspects of humanity or culture is amazing to me. At the very same time, you are allowed to enter into a situation you can barely comprehend and yet come away questioning the world you are familiar with. It gives you a chance to perhaps look with a new perspective the things that before just blended into the background.

Perhaps it is a sad truth that the times when I walk away from a movie actually having to think about and process what I saw are so rare, that I grow excited when they occur. Some of the images from this film were certainly disturbing. Perhaps even more disturbing than the grotesque images were the lives and places the characters lived in. It all felt so cramped and claustrophobic. The main character worked in tiny cramped rooms and travelled home through cramped areas to reach his small box of an apartment. All of nature and beauty were removed so that there was this incredibly frustrating blandness to life. The fantasy sequences shown throughout the film give some outlet to this dark world as well as show a very interesting look into how the character views himself, or at least how he would like to be. The ending of this was quite intriguing to me. Even though the character is left in a chair having been tortured beyond imagination, the walls that enclose him fade to clouds and the music starts to play, which felt to me that with his mind now broken, his fantasy world had become his reality. For whatever reason after all the disturbing images, the last image and music left me feeling free, yet slightly confused. In the end, for whatever reason, a bit of confusion feels good to me, because what fun would it be to know everything anyways?

The concept of space and how things are organized on the screen in the pursuit of capturing a certain feel for a film seems to show most distinctly the difference in storytelling in visual versus written form. The idea that telling a story in a visual medium has completely different rules and methods of communicating than telling a story through writing fiction may seem quite obvious. However, since this is the first time I have had to learn and live out those differences on a day by day basis, this is becoming frustratingly clear to me.

Due to the fact that all my previous endeavors at storytelling had been through writing, I was used to that form of storytelling. It seemed to me a very natural way of translating story from pure idea and thought into a tangible form. Communicating my thoughts into writing has seemed more natural to me than communicating my thoughts into verbal form. In any event, I was used to story in written form.

Translating story to visual storytelling seems to be a completely different process. It is like attempting to translate one single language into two separate, distinct languages. There are different ways of communicating emotions and evoking reactions from the audience. There are different ways of emphasizing certain characters, events, or other important story elements. The rules are very different indeed. This is beginning to reveal to me that at this point, I do not know much. New concepts of visual storytelling are bombarding me day in and day out so far this semester. Interestingly enough, each one of those shows me how a story as an abstract concept is not the same regardless of what medium you are using. Whether using word or image, the essence of a story is wrapped up in the manner in which it is told, and the realization that I don't know much does not make me want to quit. Instead, it motivates me to always keep learning, one day at a time.

When thinking about the ideas of contrast and affinity, I first began to think of this principle in terms of characters in a story. One way to emphasize the main character in your story is to introduce another character with opposing traits. The opposing traits that are chosen and emphasized serve to bring out certain aspects of the main character and help to show who that character really is by putting him or her under pressure. After showing this character with opposing traits, another character can be introduced with similar traits as the main character has. This similar character can, in some way, be very separated from the main character, so that instead of the similar character blending into the main character, only the similar traits are emphasized. In this way, using the technique of contrast and affinity, the message of the story that you are trying to get across to the reader will come through more clearly.

Another thought that comes to my mind when thinking about this is the idea of the emotional tone of a piece. You can start with a character and introduce him or her to the audience in a way that they grow fond of that character and begin to care about what happens to him or her in the future. Then the conflict comes and that charcter begins to fall more and more into their own darkness and despair. This darkness lasts long enough, with hints of hope along the way to keep the audience following along, so that the affinity of the darkness begins to become painfully familiar. At the climax, light suddenly bursts forth into the darkness, blinding the audience with such contrast that they cheer for the main character who went through such turmoil.

The visual components: space, line, shape, tone, color, movement, and rhythm. As I read this chapter and as we discussed it in class, it began to bring up an issue that has been growing more and more in my mind this semester. This is the fact that the visual aspect of making films does not just naturally flow from the story. Developing and creating the story is only part of the picture. Creating pleasing and effective visuals is a whole other skill that needs to be worked on on top of being a good storyteller.

When I write a story, I suppose that there is the story itself as an abstract entity as well as the artistic crafting of words in an effective way. However, I have been writing so long that the crafting of words to fit the story in my mind just seems natural. It is a medium too I suppose, one that I am quite used to.

While I still start out with that abstract story idea in my mind, translating that from idea to image is quite different from the translation of idea to word. I am beginning to learn what my strengths and weaknesses are in this new method of storytellings, as well as what storytelling elements transfer from writing to animation and which do not.

The realization that there is so much that you do not know and so much that you need to learn can be a little intimidating at times. In the end though, it is exciting and motivating to strive for the level that you have not yet attained. You can see where you are, imagine where you will be, and step by step, watch yourself progressing towards an amazing future. It is funny how a concept as basic as the visual elements could remind me of such a thing.

This time around, I'll be rambling on my thoughts about the idea of a Christian's responsibility in terms of what kind of art should be attached to our names, which was the topic of discussion last week.

This is a subject I have dealt with and thought over a good deal to be honest. I grew up on "Christian music." As I was reaching the end of my teenage years, I stopped stressing over how I did not fit in to our typical American Christian youth culture and instead began to feel quite disturbed at how shallow it really is. We thrive on praise and worship songs which begin to sound all the same to me as musical and lyrical depth seem to be absent. Why should stringing a bunch of "praise Him" and "holy holy holy" phrases together with a generic upbeat melody have anything to do with my relationship with God? People down here on planet earth are living, hurting, loving, and being forgotten and ignored. Now there is some inspiration for powerful art that brings pleasure to God.

Another example of this idea of what is truely "Christian art" has come up in my life. When I create an image with a cross in it, like the one I did for my church pictured here, I feel a strong reception and encouragement. However, other images I create, which are more powerful artistically and emotionally in my eyes, never seem to enter into the discussion. I have wondered why I tend to get the feeling from time to time that the difference between amazement and indifference in reactions to my images depends soley on whether I spend a few minutes to place a cross in it or not. Should the significance of my art really depend on that?

Here is one final personal thought on this issue. When I am writing stories, I find myself trying to figure out what kind of overall message I want my piece to portray as well as how I will accomplish that through the story. When it comes to my faith in God affecting how I write my stories, I have struggled with what is the best road to take. In the end, the most fundamental issue is crafting a strong story that reaches out to the humanity of the audience in the way that I want it to. If I create a story or an image that gives me inspiration and could inspire others, then I have to believe that God is smiling down on me. Although, I suppose throwing in a 'praise Him' and a 'holy holy holy' or two couldn't hurt.

I am returning to my blog after a few days. What a crazy week this has been. Enough of that though and on to the topic for this particular post. 'Least' has been a recurring topic in a couple of my DMA classes this week. This topic began with the showing of the William Kentridge piece of the procession of down and out figures. After watching this piece, I found myself attaching the concept of 'least' with physical need.

This is a strong aspect of it of course. Those in need of food, clothing, shelter, and other such needs should not escape our attention. To be honest, in my personal experiences, the knowledge that such vast physical need exists in this world never really reached me on an emotional or any deeper level. Often I am presented with a passionate plea and pictures of the starving. When I go to church, when I go to chapels, when I attend various Christian events, on television, and just about anywhere else, I have found plenty of examples of those desiring financial help to lessen the physical destitution of others. Mostly these messages left my mind as quickly as they had come before me. Perhaps it was because of how distant those images were from my life. Perhaps it was the fact that these pleas were attempts to place guilt upon me when I knew that I done nothing wrong. Perhaps it was simply due to the fact that I have such limited funds at this point.

The idea of the least of us for me has come more in the sense of an individual basis. I have always been attracted to those individuals who always find themselves as outcasts, forgotten, and overlooked by the masses as well as those individuals who are either ignored or pitied, but never really understood. In fact, it has been only in the past few months that my scope of those who are in need has been widened to include the vast physical poverty which we can find anywhere in the world.

Diving into the depths of a single broken and isolated indivdual has seemed much more striking to me than a broad glimpse into vast physical destitution. Perhaps that is just my own unique spin on the same idea, but I will just work with what I feel called to address.

I find it difficult to describe myself because it seems to me that however you choose to describe yourself is a way of attempting to give yourself an identity in the eyes of others.

I suppose I could identify myself as a storyteller as I have been writing stories since I learned to write and continue to due so when I have the time and energy. This identity also could fit me since I am in the middle, or perhaps towards the beginning of learning the art of visual storytelling through animation.

Another related identity would be that of a developing digital artist, since I have been exploring several software packages as interesting tools. So far in this regard I have been focussed in landscapes since they seem to spark my interest the most. As I learn more about developing characters in my classes, I hope that I will be able to incorporate interesting characters in my landscapes and have that be the beginning for some of my animation in the future. The image posted here is an example of one of the images that I have created so far.

While some may call me quiet, I prefer observant and careful in what I speak. While others would call me random, well I would probably agree.

I could give myself the identity of an occasional long distance runner, as I enjoy going off to a park and running some miles until I can barely stand up any longer. I have found it to be oddly true that running until you fall over in exhaustion and then recovering can be a powerful analogy for life.

While these few things tell a little about my identity, I do not believe in limiting who a person is to their career, tangible interests, or current school. While we may give ourselves validity by presenting our strengths and accomplishments to others, I choose to leave my identity open for discussion. If after this you still wonder who I am, feel free to try and figure it out. I know I still am.

Also, If you think that this is overly deep and complicated for an introductory post, well perhaps that is just part of who I am as well.