There are those who might consider the film Ryan to be depressing. Personally, I would use words more like intriguing and fascinating. Very evidently portrayed are the concepts of emotional and mental anguish and self-destruction. This is done both on the level of the events occurring as well as in a visually powerful way through the deformation of the characters themselves on screen. The contrast between his former whole self and his current deformed self was astounding. To be able to look at an individual whom most would simply pass by or look down on due to a ruined state and instead see what that person once was, to give respect to that person, to tell their tragic story...one could only be so blessed to see people with such eyes. The final shot of Ryan panhandling with the reflection of his former self gave him such respect, which left me feeling very impressed.

It seems that diving deeply into a character and exploring their pain and self-destruction through writing or visual arts is very powerful and meaningful to me. I have gone through my share of brokenness and have come to realize that there is a point when complete brokenness can turn into either a personal spiritual awakening or the beginnings of a downward spiral of self-destruction. Either way, when our identity is ripped away and our failures surround us, something major is going to happen. Exploring this process and the results of it are so powerful to me Only after spending some time in the deepest pit with a character do I fully appreciate their coming into the light, and only after spending time in pained isolation do I fully recognize the complete tragedy of a person becoming deformed never to be restored. I will keep room for both of these outcomes in my stories, and I will strive to give respect to those where little is given. Perhaps when we find ourselves in a pit, in darkness, we should not be so quick to simply scramble out, but instead feel what we feel, let it change us, and take the time to realize why we are there.

On another note, it is refreshing for me to finally see CG used in a way that has no resemblence whatsover to cutsy cartoony little characters. This film dove deeply into a character without censor or apology and used the CG tools to portray the character's situation and pain in a powerful visual way with a unique and creative style. If it is possible for one artist to achieve this, then perhaps there is hope for me yet.

In the film "The man who planted trees" I was quite captivated by the feel of it. The feel of the unchanging life of the man caught my attention. It was as if the world could not really touch him. A war came and went, people came and went, and he simply remained living his life as always. There was also a sense of purpose to him that was not overbearing to those around him or obnoxious in any way. It was simply something that he was driven to do and did it without any desire for attention or recognition. What also caught my attention was his silence. The fact that he saw such little use for words, which is completely opposite to the society I find myself surrounded in, is a very attractive image to me. It involves values that are so contrary to what I always encounter: not always feeling the need to beat your point into someone else's disagreeing mind, not feeling the need to desperately explain to other's how you want them to think of you, allowing others to form true or faulty opinions of you and being completely apathetic about it, seeing no problem with solitude, focusing ones energy on one project in a leisurely manner. More and more I see clearly the mold of the culture I live in and realize that I have a hard time fitting into it, and that I really have no desire to fit into it.

The style of drawing in the film worked well for the tone of the piece. If it had been more of a Disney style, or cartoony style, it simply would not have had the same effect. Its slightly rough, realistic, flowing feel worked well for me. I can only imagine how much time and energy must have gone into that film. In some ways, the film itself shows some characteristics of the life that the man in the film lived. It had to be slowgoing, focused on a single goal, extremely patient, and the end result was a thing of beauty that could be appreciated by others. I hope that I will have the opportunity and the ability to create such a thing.

The first time I saw the film, sand castle, which was last semester, I was not really aware of who Co Hoedeman was. Of the Co Hodeman films I saw that semester, sand castle was the most intriguing to me. It felt all-encompassing to me, spanning creation, the entire existence of a civilization, as well as the return to wilderness after the life has gone out of the place. It shows the establishment of everyday life, which is the life we surround ourselves with. Also, it shows the fleeting nature of things and how change comes, and all this for a children's film.

The Owl Who Married a Goose was also interesting to me. I liked the look of the sand animation with one scene fading into the next in such a mysterious way. It feels as if you are viewing a world from a limited view, being able to focus only on what the storyteller wishes. Also, with the feeling of longing and tragedy were captivating.

Charles and Francois made me quite confused right after I watched it. The fact that the two characters started generations apart and ended up as two old men felt very disorienting, as it flies in the face of normal rules of the passage of time and changes that come with time. However, perhaps this was part of the effect that was wished by this choice. Once again, similar to the sand castle film, it encompassed a lot of time and changes. It felt as if I was floating along as time was speeding through, after taking its time in the beginning scene with the child and grandfather. Instead of focusing on one particular point in life, it speeds along and shows the ups, downs, and turns that life takes in a compelling way.

The film Tchou-tchou had an interesting concept with the idea of a world of blocks that children play with. I remember playing with such blocks as a child quite often. This film is a good example of how a filmmaker can define certain rules for the world that his film takes place in and invite the audience to enter into that colorful world. Finding a way to wrap the idea of the playing of children not just into the actions of the characters on the screen, but in the very structure of the characters themselves is quite a feat.

In the reading by C. S. Lewis called "It all began with a picture..." I found there to be some real truth from my own personal experience with creating stories. He was explaining that when he was coming up with the ideas for his Narnia books, he had a picture in his mind, not really knowing what it meant. He worked with those pictures and developed a story out of it. He says that making up things is a mysterious process.

For some reason, when I first read this it really connected with me. You can look at all sorts of technique, analyze plot structures, and intellectually consider what makes a successful character. In the end though, from my experience, ending up with a story that really excites me or connects with me is a bit of a mystery. It is as if I am in some other place while I am creating it and then afterwards I look back at it and wonder where it came from. I can remember times when I was working on developing a story and an image would come into my mind that would blow me away. At that point, I did not know all the details of how that image would exactly work into the future parts of my story, but as odd as it sounds, I was looking forward to finding out. It was as if I was looking forward to reading it after I wrote it. If there was no mystery to the process of creating a story, then I certainly would not have the feeling that the story I was developing was somehow coming from a place that was beyond me.